My First Mother's Day

You guys? Being a mom is pretty cool sometimes. Especially when you get to celebrate your first Mother's Day with your family, including your own mama and of course the one who made you a mom.

Also? Dang is my little girl cute (thanks Aunt S for the dress!!). Love her so very much. 

A hanging out with Granddad and not crying!

Are you my mother?

This was after I tried to wipe off her mouth and she decided she'd rather stuff the entire burp cloth in her mouth.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you mamas out there, wherever your babies may be!

But an extra special hug to my mom, the best one a girl could ask for. I only hope I can follow in your footsteps when it comes to raising A.

Three Months

My darling daughter -

Today you are three months old (or uh, yesterday you were when I started writing this)! It doesn't really seem possible, but the calendar has yet to lie to me. I swear, I didn't think it was possible for time to go faster than it did during parts of being pregnant with you, but that's not the case. These last few months with you have been some of the quickest to go by yet! The irony of course is that there were a couple of days in there that seemed like they were about 36 hours long each. Funny how that happens.

As of this month you've been taking all of your daytime naps in your crib. You don't sleep for too long during the day, generally a half hour to forty-five minutes per nap, with the occasional hour long nap thrown in there. But like last month, I don't want to speak too much about your night time sleep except to say that we love you very much little girl and oh, please keep doing what you're doing! I will never complain about your naps! You still sleep in our room at night and while I think your dad and I are going to transition you to your room sometime this next month, I will miss having you sleeping right next to me. There's something really comforting to me about just being able to roll over and see you peacefully sleeping there. And sure, I'll be able to see you with the monitor but we both know it's not the same.

We've found our hands! She's also bringing toys to her mouth to chew on them - sassy ring links are her favorite for this!

I do have to mention that we're using the woombie to swaddle you now and you really do seem to love it. I mean, not when we first zip you into it, but once you're in it you love moving your arms around more, but we like that you can't smack yourself awake! Win win for us all, my little chickadee.

You seem to be testing out your leg strength a bit more these days - whenever we hold you on our laps you press down with your legs to stand up. We call you our little surfer girl since it looks like you're hanging 10 in your own little world. You especially love it when we listen to music and let you rock out. Something tells me we're going to have lots of dance parties around here soon!

We've been going on longer walks with your puppy dog which we all enjoy. It's so much nicer having some beautiful spring weather for those walks! I used the Moby wrap with you when you were younger and that was so nice for keeping you all snuggled and close to me, but now we use the Beco Gemini carrier and I love it! I think you do too since you're able to look out a bit more and see the world. I'm sure you'll like it even better when we start facing you out sometimes!

Overall you seem to be a really healthy girl which makes me so happy. I was a bit nervous with a winter baby about whether we were going to deal with colds in a super young baby, but luckily that hasn't been the case yet (knock on wood and please don't get sick on me now!). You did have a cough for a couple of days, but I think that was more due to dust and dryness in the house rather than you actually being sick. We did stay home from playgroup, but that's ok. Speaking of playgroup you and I are busy, little girl! We have a couple of different mom groups that we go to (which both happen to meet on Wednesdays) and then we have another playgroup we go to on Mondays. Makes for a lot of fun having other moms and babies we can hang out with.

Not quite rolling over, but also not hating tummy time as much as we used to! Yay!

We also had your two month shots a few weeks ago. Let me tell you, I think those were harder on me then they were on you! You were not a fan of the shots and definitely cried during them, but after I nursed you, you seemed perfectly happy again. No fever that night and no real fussiness, but I did take the extra snuggles I got out of you that day! We do wonder if you remembered the nurse's gray hair after the shots though because for a week or so whenever your Granddad held you, you cried! We spent Easter weekend at my parents' house and it wasn't until Tuesday that you let Granddad hold you without crying. I sure do hope that you've fully forgotten about all of that because your grandparents love you so much and I don't want you to cry when any of them hold you. Your other Grandpa came up this past weekend and you had so much fun getting to see him again!

With as much and as quickly as you're growing and changing little girl, I want to show you the whole world. But the world is sometimes a scary place as was brought home again this past week when two brothers placed bombs at the finish line of the Boston Marathon. One of our good friends has run that race the last 4 years and we were all incredibly relieved that she wasn't running it this year (because she's pregnant with a new friend for you!). But I've also found that with events like these I'm suddenly identifying much more with the parents. I noticed this also when Kevin Ware got injured so badly during March Madness this year. The first thing I thought of (after hoping he was ok!) was I can't imagine being his mom and seeing that type of injury. I imagine that this will only get stronger as you get older, but I admit I didn't think I would identify with other parents in this way quite so quickly. I guess I'm growing as a parent as fast as you're growing, huh?

Overall you are such a happy baby - I think that's one of the things that I'm loving the most as you get older and we see your personality come shining through. Sure you cry when you need something and oh, that little pouty lip kills your dad and me! But the days sure are a lot of fun with you here, little girl! You're an incredible person and I am so thankful to be your mama.

I love you so much!

It Never Fails

I think of a post idea and then A wakes up from her nap.

And then when I come back to sit down at the computer I have no idea what I was going to write about.

Oops.

On the plus side, things are going well. Really well in fact. B and I hit a major milestone for us a few weeks ago - we paid off all of our credit cards! That was SUCH a huge weight on my shoulders (I HATE carrying a balance and I had had a balance on one card for way too long). Sure it took a chunk out of our savings, but now we are no longer paying those freaking monthly fees. Feels so good! Now the goal for our savings is so that we can get a new car at some point (will be important if I get this job that I'm interviewing for) and then for a down payment on a house. 

I think I mentioned before that I had really hoped we'd be in a position to buy something this year, but that was before I got laid off. Between all of the medical bills that we've had the beginning part of this year (it blows my mind that we're paying over $6,000 for a completely normal uncomplicated birth with a 1 night stay in the hospital and I STILL have not met my insurance deductible! That is another rant for another day however. But let's just say I can understand how people file for bankruptcy after a major medical event even when the HAVE health insurance) and some other things, plus my being laid off means that buying will take at least another year. Which is fine. But I look at A and I know that I want space for her to run around as she gets older.

Luckily she's pretty content hanging out in one spot for right now. But I know she'll be mobile before we know it!

Also my baby is 11 weeks old today. How did that happen??

Two Months

My darling daughter -

Today you are two months old. I had hoped to write more posts this past month about you, yes, but also about the rest of my life. However, as much of my life is wrapped up with you, and spending time with you is more important than writing about it, well, we can see that the lack of posting is what ends up happening.

That's ok though, as you are growing and thriving and I love every second that I get to spend with you right now. While I wouldn't have chosen losing my job right before you were born, I have to say that having this time with you without a specific end date has actually been kind of amazing. I'll go back to work at some point, but we're going to enjoy each other in the meantime.

And wow have you changed this month! For one thing - you're smiling! And these are no gas smiles either, these are honest to goodness I'm smiling because I'm happy to see you smiles. Oh how I love seeing those! They truly light up your entire face and melt my heart at the same time. I have a feeling you're going to have that ability to melt my heart your entire life.

Speaking of heart melting, another new thing that you've started is that you cry actual tears now when you cry. Ohhh man, whenever I see that I just want to scoop you up and tell you that I'll never let anything hurt you. I know that I'm going to have to let you make your own mistakes and that you will get hurt in the future, but oh, it hurts me too baby. You probably won't ever know how much until you are older, but just know that every time you cry it really does hit me deep down.

You've also started cooing now - we have some pretty epic conversations during diaper changes now. On top of the cooing your facial expressions have continued to develop and deepen. The cooing usually comes complete with your turtle face. And you continue to have a most excellent grumpy face. Plus the furrowed brow that comes out along with that lower pouty lip - I love it! Grandma says that furrowed brow reminds her of Vena, a guide dog puppy we raised when I was younger. Ever since she said that I totally see it (and yes, I am comparing you to a yellow labrador retriever, but she was a really excellent puppy, so I hope you don't take offense).

We went on your first ferry ride the other day - Grandma was so excited to show you off to all of her colleagues! It was also your first time in a high school and your Grandma attempted to use you to let some of the high schoolers know that babies weren't a good idea until much older... of course you were so happy and smiley and cute that I don't think it had the same effect it would have if you were grumpy!

You don't seem impressed here, but you had fun, really!

You've also started chewing on your dad's thumb whenever he holds it near your mouth. That cracks me up as you usually don't like to chew on my fingers but oh how you love your dad's! I absolutely love seeing the two of you together! He does all of your night time diaper changes before bringing you back to me to nurse, and he starts your bedtime routine (he's so very excited to start reading to you before bed, too!). Watching you two together is so wonderful - B is such a fantastic dad and you've already got him wrapped around your finger.

I also feel like I'm hitting my stride a bit more this month. I know that I'll continue to have ups and downs as your mama, but we're doing pretty well right now. Your daytime naps are in your crib when we're at home, though you're still sleeping at night in the rock n' play next to my side of the bed (we tried the crib one night and you were not a fan). We're talking about trying to transition you to your crib (again) for night time sleep but I'm hesitating only because I do love being able to just glance over and see you at night. We won't talk about your night time sleep for fear of jinxing anything, but feel free to keep on doing what you're doing. Your mom and dad appreciate it.

And of course, this is your first March Madness! We made a bracket for you in the family pool that we've been doing with your great-uncle and so far, well, I hate to break it to you kid, but you didn't pick all that well (we marked your pick by noting which team got the bigger reaction from you - though we may have fudged it a bit when we weren't sure whether you really wanted that 16 over the 1... here's a hint baby girl - as close as a couple of the number 1's came this year, a number 1 has never lost to a 16. You don't want to make that pick!).

Tummy time during March Madness (this was actually during the Duke game and she totally looked like she was just kicking back on the couch, enjoying the game)

There are so many things that I want to say to you, but it's hard to find the words. I do want you to know how very loved you are, little girl, and what a huge part of my heart you hold with your little hands. Someone said that being a parent is to know what it's like to have your heart walking around outside your body, and oh how right they were. You have made me a mama and I am so very grateful that I get to be your mama.

I love you!

One month

Baby girl you are one month old! (and two days... mama has a hard time finding time to write at the moment!)

It still sometimes takes my breath away to realize that I've only known you for one month, yet it feels like you've been here for so much longer.

Your dad and I have so much fun with you - as this month has progressed you've gone from absolutely tiny and brand new in the world to getting a little bit bigger, a little more vocal and taking up so much of my heart. Right now your needs are pretty basic - eating, sleeping, needing a clean diaper. All needs that we can meet, though perhaps not always as quickly as you'd like! But you're such a champ. You cry when you need something. Sure sometimes that need is to just be a bit on the fussy side (recent evenings come to mind!), but truly you are such an amazingly good baby. Your grandma always said that I was a good baby, so I like to think you're taking after me.

Unfortunately for us, sleep isn't always your favorite thing to do anymore. The first couple of weeks you were truly content to sleep anywhere, anytime. We use an app to track how much you're sleeping (and eating and diaper changes... your data loving parents are loving it!), and man, I wish we'd started tracking your sleep before you were 2 weeks old, as I bet you were sleeping about 20 hours a day. Now that it's less than that I can definitely see changes in your mood based on how well you're sleeping. Methinks you take after your parents that way! But as I said, you seem to have moments where you think that sleep is for the weak and if you close your eyes you'll be missing out on something awesome. As cool as this world is little lady, I promise it's ok to sleep every so often! I should also mention that at least with daytime sleeping, you definitely prefer my arms. Anytime I put you down somewhere you're pretty much guaranteed to wake up 5-10 minutes later. I did get a few good naps out of you in your crib last week but so far you haven't been keen on repeating that. Even with the white noise app and humidifier that we now have to help you with  your night time sleeping!

But truthfully, your night sleep has actually been pretty good up until the last few nights. At about 2-3 weeks you were sleeping in 3-4 hour chunks (I even had to wake you up to eat a couple of times. And oh, how hard is it to wake a sleeping baby!). Now that we're past 4 weeks we can let you sleep as long as you want... sadly this also appears to have coincided with no desire to sleep in large chunks anymore! Ah well, we'll get back to them. If there's anything that I've learned in this month of being your mom it's that if I ever feel like I've figured something out, you'll change it up on me.

We've been using cloth diapers since you were 4 days old (though we did go back to disposables for a few days until your umbilical cord fell off as it got caught on the diaper once and completely freaked me out!). But both your dad and I are huge fans. We've been using prefolds with covers (both thirsties duo wrap covers and wool covers that I bought from etsy) and bum genius 4.0s. We do laundry about every other day right now (sometimes every day) because you go through a lot of diapers (and wipes). But that's ok - I like that we're not adding more disposable diapers into landfills and that you have fewer chemicals on your skin. Your dad is definitely the better diaper changer, but you put up with me as I get better at it. 

So far breast feeding is going amazingly well. The first week to 10 days hurt a lot. We were both learning what we were doing and while I was apprehensive about how it would all go before you were born, once again you've been an absolute champ. I'm so happy that you're eating well and gaining weight and best of all, it doesn't hurt me anymore! (Well, the initial latch still does, but I'm told that gets better too!). But truly I think it's so cool that I'm able to feed you like this and that you're such a healthy growing baby. Plus I absolutely love spending that time with you. Yes, the cluster feeding in the evening can get a wee bit much, but I try to keep my eye on the prize that is you sleeping more that night! Unfortunately much like your dislike of the pacifier, you really don't like the bottle. I promise we aren't trying to poison you! Hopefully this will go a bit better this next month... otherwise I'm not entirely certain how we're going to deal whenever I go back to work!

I really can't get over how much you've changed already this month. We met a couple of friends for lunch the other weekend and since it was their first time meeting you they both exclaimed about how tiny you were. Your dad and I just smiled, since all we could think was how big you looked to us! We know that you're going to continue to grow and change and I can't wait to see your personality shine through more and more. Your many facial expressions are so funny and I know that we'll be seeing them over and over as you get older.

We're probably going to start transitioning you into your crib soon, and while I know that we'll all probably sleep better for it (you are a loud sleeper daughter of mine!), it does make my heart hurt just a tiny bit to think that this is the first of many, many steps in which you grow more independent of me. 

But you will always be my baby, my firstborn, my wonderful, beautiful daughter.

I love you so much!

2 Years

Two years ago (yesterday... yeah, I'm a day late!) we said "I do."

Photos by Persimmon Images

Last night we spent the night with an adorable almost 4 week old baby.

What a difference a couple of years make!

I couldn't ask for a better partner on this journey and I'm oh so happy with our life. I love you B! 

Happy anniversary!!

So...

Life with a newborn is time consuming! Which is kind of nuts because I look back at the day after it's finished and wonder what exactly I did except for watch an alarming number of West Wing episodes. 

And then I remember that I nursed my baby girl, and I changed her diapers, and I rocked her while she cried, and I even got a shower for myself in there. If I managed to do a load of laundry or empty the dishwasher, I will consider that a bonus right now. No, it may not be rocket science, but I will never have this time back with my daughter again so I'm trying to embrace it (especially now that I feel better!) and not feel guilty about all of the things that aren't getting done.

Unfortunately for a bit longer that also means not so much with the posting here. I'm around on twitter and instagram a bit more often these days (especially during 2am feedings...), and slowly but surely adding more pictures to Facebook so that family and friends can see how she's growing! (That onesie that she's wearing in the picture above is already almost too small! She's growing too fast!). I'll pop in when I can, but until then, I'll leave you with the following:

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait til tomorrow,

For children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.

I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep.

(Excerpted from Song for a Fifth Child, by Ruth Hamilton)